The Fear of Flying: A Comedic Catastrophe
The Mightiest of Men and the Feminist of Women in Turbulence
Oh, the mightiest men, so stern and tough, And feminist women, who call no bluff. When turbulence strikes and the plane does shake, They squeak and they shiver, and sometimes they quake. In suits and heels, so stately they stand, Yet a bump in the sky makes them grab for a hand. A squeal here, a gasp there, a symphony in the air, Who knew a metal tube could instill such despair?
The Concept of Fear
Fear, that ancient companion, lurking in the shadows of our minds. It’s a sensation that binds us, as described so eloquently by Alexander Lowen in his seminal work, Fear of Life. It’s a funny thing, fear—an emotion that can be triggered by the smallest of creatures, like cockroaches and lizards, to the grandest of experiences, like flying in an airplane. Yes, the marvel of human ingenuity, the airplane—a metal tube soaring through the skies—is both a testament to our brilliance and a harbinger of terror. It’s a miracle of engineering that, quite frankly, always scares me witless.
The Need to Fly
Ah, the necessity of flight! Driven by the audacity of cola advertisements that implore us to "taste the thunder," we embark on these airborne adventures. Some pay Rs 10 for a can of fizzy exhilaration, while others, climbing the societal ladder, might pilfer such pleasures. Then there are those like me who shell out Rs 10,000 to experience the real deal. Flying has become a status symbol, a mark of importance. We strut through airports, purchase overpriced knick-knacks we don’t need, and travel swiftly across continents. Some even do it to earn miles, as if the sheer act of being airborne isn’t enough of a time sink.
Why the Fear Develops
The genesis of aerophobia is a fascinating phenomenon. Endless YouTube shorts featuring planes in distress have us glued to our screens, munching on snacks best left uneaten. Then comes the real experience. The dreaded sequence: cloud, turbulence, clear air, cloud. This cyclical pattern of panic gradually ingrains itself into our psyche. A slight lurch, a gentle sway, and suddenly, our hearts are racing. Smartwatches gleefully display our elevated heart rates, adding to the cacophony of fear. Then there are the children, those tiny banshees, and the dulcet voices of fellow passengers, particularly women, who seem to amplify the terror with their synchronized screams. It’s as if the children are competing with the thunder outside, each trying to outdo the other. And let’s not forget those lightning storms, where bolts strike perilously close, making us question the wisdom of flying at all.
How to Get Over It
The harsh reality? You can’t. Human beings are hardwired for fear, our fight-or-flight responses (pun definitely most likely intended) kicking in at the slightest hint of danger. Catastrophic thinking reigns supreme, always leading us to imagine our untimely demise. Being in the sky, we feel closer to the heavens, imagining our deities peering down, deciding our fate with a whimsical flick of their celestial wrists. Prayers, unfortunately, are of little use. Remember that last-minute prayer before an exam you didn’t prepare for? Exactly. Futile. You could seek solace in the airplane lavatory, a futuristic portal that seems to threaten to suck you into the void with each flush. One must exercise caution, though, for turbulence in such a confined space could result in an unseemly mess. Flying faeces are not the grand exit one envisions while contemplating mortality.
The Ultimate Solution
So, what’s the answer? Simply put, don’t fly. Humans were never meant to defy gravity in such a brazen manner. Alternatively, one could resort to alcohol, achieving a blissful high that dulls the jitters of flight. But the ultimate remedy is to take the reins. Learn to fly, become the captain of your destiny, or, in the event of dire turbulence, commandeer the plane yourself. Seize control from the pilots and guide the aircraft to safely crash or land—or at least give it your best shot.
Conclusion: A Comedic Contemplation on Death and Life
In the end, we must face our fears with a sense of humor. As Woody Allen once quipped, "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." Life is, after all, a series of absurdities, and fear of flying is just one more comedic chapter in the grand, pointless narrative of existence. So, buckle up, grab a drink, and prepare for takeoff inside a giant metal tube. After all, it’s not the destination but the journey—especially the bumpy, panic-inducing, sky-high journey—that makes life interesting.
As they always say - “We wish for you to fly with us again”. Keep Reading.
PS - All pictures by the author, as always !!
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